I'm sure it's territorial with this month on the calendar. Everyone is taking the one time of year to recognize what they're thankful for -- for some it's health, for some it's beer, and for some it's finding that happiness. Just this morning I passed a salon on my way to running the kids to school that read: "Happy Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for?".
Good question.
I asked myself that very question --
"What am I thankful for?" -- and immediately I had an infinite list running down my my mind's spiral bound notepad. My health, my kids' health, a roof over our heads, a
job passion that I love, the love of my life, sunny days, my car, coffee, bathtubs, good education, green lights when I need them, coffee....and on and on and on....
But there's one major thing that I'm thankful for that sits high on my mental list. One that has helped make me who I am today. One that has given me morals and values. One that has impacted my life so significantly I can't even find a word for it. One that has influenced my children just as significantly.
My grandma.
My 4 foot firecracker.
My rock.
It was unfortunate for me to lose my mom so young. Being 15 without the one constant in your life is scary enough, but to feel so alone added a whole other level to that.
But I am fortunate enough to have this amazing woman fill that vacancy in my life. She lost a daughter, I lost my mom...yet she gained a daughter, and I gained a mother. In so many ways we fill those voids for each other. Inexplicably. Unconditionally.
I never fully understood the facets of this woman until I got older....until recently even. She is a walking mosaic of love, loyalty, humor, audacity, strength, and advice.
At 84 (as of this Saturday), this woman has been through some of the most heart wrenching, the most difficult of situations humanly possible.
She was one of three girls in the family, all of whom survived the Great Depression. Growing up in a middle-sized, southern Ohio town, she went to work for the local paper mill right out of high school. A few years later, she met the love of her life who happened to be moving 6 states away. To hear her tell it, they had a long-distance courtship until he later moved back to Ohio. Then, not wanting to be apart, they decided to marry.
Their love affair gave them two beautiful sons, Eric and Brad, before going through two grueling miscarriages. Grandma began to withdrawal from my Grandpa. She was angry and had every right to be. Then, as if God was reconnecting her and my Grandpa with His own two hands, He gave her the miracle of my mom, their only daughter, and another son, my Uncle Mark. Grandma and Grandpa's life was enveloped in their 4 children. They created a home that welcomed the stray animals my mom brought home, to years later welcoming the overnight guests that they'd each bring home from college.
At some point along their journey, my Grandpa's drinking took a downward spiral. From the time he'd wake in the morning, until the time he fell asleep, he'd be drinking. In his coffee, in his car...he was a full-blown alcoholic. It consumed him. Through the car accidents and the Sheriff phone calls, Grandma begged for him to stop and vowed to stand by him until he did. Until it became too much for her to handle. She was raising four babies on her own and physically couldn't keep up with his drinking. And when she threatened to leave, he took her serious, stopped drinking and became involved in Alcoholics Anonymous.
Almost as sobering as his AA meetings, he and my Grandma received a call one February day with the news that my mom had been in an airplane crash. "She won't live through the night, Mrs. Barker" they told her. Each day became scarier than the one before. She remained a permanent fixture in my mother's hospital room for the next three months -- watching Father administer my mom her last dying rights, witnessing her second chance in life when she woke from the coma, wheeling her wheelchair down to physical therapy, and helping her walk again.
Time healed their wounds, and their daughter, and eventually they were empty nesters. The kids would all return at Christmas year after year -- each year brought more grandchildren.
Life moved on.
Until 1993 when it suddenly stopped.
Battling the medical complications from the airplane crash years earlier, my mom found herself fully engulfed with Leukemia. In an attempt to save her, my Uncle Mark donated bone marrow for a transplant to possibly help my mom. Her body rejected the marrow and days later she died.
I watched her weep from two seats over, as they lowered her casket into the ground that hot July day. Her hand was wrapped in my grandpa's hand as if it were a silent plea to keep her strong.
Courageously, they persevered. Some how, some way, they continued on with their lives.
Four years later, one of their grandsons overdosed on heroin.
One early morning in January 2007, she received another frightful phone call. This time it was her son. Following in his father's alcoholic footsteps, he had killed a young man while driving drunk.
3 months later Grandpa died. Her sweetie. Her soulmate.
I can remember sitting at the long, shiny table in the funeral home with her as we made arrangements for his service. I remember thinking
"how much can one woman take?". I can remember pleading with God to give her a break.
Wasn't there someone else He could give these life lessons to? Yet, here she is laughing and smiling, and playing backyard baseball with our girls.
It amazes me every time I think about her life, all she has seen, what she's been put through.
She went through all of that and still had time to raise me...mold me....love me unconditionally. She has been a constant in my life from the time I was born. She has supported me, encouraged me, and pushed me to chase my dreams.
I want to emulate her as a parent. I want to pass on the values and morals I learned from her to my own kids. I want them to play the games with their kids that she played with us. I want them to know, truly know, what unconditional love is.
Today, I am thankful for her determination, her perseverance, her unconditional love, her positive outlook on life, her oatmeal cookies and pumpkin pies, her guidance, her support and her selfless acts of kindness.
Today I am thankful for her, my mom in every sense of the word.
And why is it that I cannot cook a meal without making a huge mess?? I swear that most times it looks worse than if a tornado would have actually ran through my kitchen.
